The world starts to reach back........

Ooh how exciting. I went to see the Jack Reacher film last night with my fifteen year old nephew and we both absolutely loved it. I wanted to see it because I have read so many of Lee Child's books about the character 'Reacher' and just knew that because he writes such a good plot, it surely couldn't go wrong; especially with Tom Cruise producing it and having the lead role. Well I was right. I totally ignored all the comments people have been making on Twitter and FB about Tom Cruise not looking like the character described in the books, but seriously, who cares if he is shorter or looks different. He played Reacher really well and the film managed to keep the dry sense of humour that Lee Child puts in and which Tom pulled off brilliantly. I would certainly love to see more films with this collaberation and have a renewed urge to read all the books again!  Anyway, back to the 'ooh exciting' bit, I tweeted about how I loved the film so much and my tentacles into the world are starting to prove worth it as the point was to get responses back - well Lee Child replied with appreciation!! How cool is that!!!

Also had another reply through Twitter from a postcrossing lady in Barcelona, so even though that is not on the mission list, it is one of my favourite places in the world so I might plan a visit and start a diversion list. Who says there is only one way to do things - certainly not me.

I am on a mania stage at the moment though, can't sleep but feel shattered, start things but lose concentration, such as sorting out the lounge. I am trying to do it perfectly and it takes so long as I keep noticing something else that needs doing. Then I have had to have breaks to keep my nephew entertained and fed which is not that hard as he doesn't seem to eat much and is happy just watching TV. He very helpfully took the tree down though and packed up the decorations. If I can just get that room finished today then I can tackle the kitchen on Monday. I have a conference tomorrow involving an early morning start - bleugh - for the part time work I am doing trying to build up a successful business - it will save you or make you money I promise!

I have lots of voluntary things to do for the International Pole Sports Federation too seeing as I am the Vice-President at the moment, although I do expect to get re-voted in for another year. We have the World Pole Sports Championships in July to organise - crikey. Plus I have PA work for KT Coates sorting out her instructor training around the world. I hope I get going on this as I will actually get paid if I do!!

No wonder I am overwhelmed at times. Now to sort out the Scout group and how I can cut down my time there. I really am doing too much, even though I just sold the Dance school, I still have too much too do. Or am I feeling stressed because I am in a manic phase - oooooh, so confusing. I have been doing moodscope to try and see any patterns but I need to read them more I think.

Right, back to the lounge. Why did I get distracted with this blog - probably because what I really want to do is just write!  Hmmm........, food for thought.

Off to a good start......

I do realise that my introduction was rather garbled and probably did not seem at all like an introduction, sorry about that, but actually that is a real picture of what I am like - yup, you got it - I am a weirdo! Never mind, I will have to piece it all together for you as and when it pops into my head, and seeing as my memory is acting up since being on my current medication, we probably have no hope of knowing what I actually should be writing, ha, ha. Actually I need to make sure I take the bloomin' stuff at the same time every day, that might help......, that and go to bed earlier - groan.

My mission - which I chose to accept! This is the reason I have started the blog and everything else I do this year, I want to feel like I am a better person at the end of the year. I mean in all aspects and whatever it takes to improve myself as a person I will attempt to do. Now I am not including anything drastic or plastic, just to reach out and have more purpose - or something - oh, I don't know. I just though that if I had an achievable challenge then it might be an exciting journey to get to the goal.

So.......... the mission is quite simple and I have already done some of it due to my love of travel and my age!!  I want to visit all the capital cities of Europe. I have listed them on the right and also put a link to a Google map to show the ones I have been to and which are left.  I expect it will take some time as I don't have any money!! 

Anyway, so far so good and off to a great start. Yesterday I set up a Twitter account @crazyladyabroad so I can update the ether on my every movement and hopefully make some connections across the world. Amazingly I sent my third tweet today about buying postcards and got a reply from www.postcrossing.com about an International meeting being held in May. Coincidentally I reinstated my postcrossing account yesterday as well to send and receive postcards from all over the world. I did it a few years ago and it was brilliant getting little glimpses of people from everywhere. I am thoroughly enjoying writing them, I am allowed to send 10 at a time now and I try and make them colourful and interesting about myself and Oxford. I wasn't too pleased that the price of stamps had gone up to 87p though, still, at least it is one price for postcards all over the world.  Oh listen to me going on about the price of stamps!! I almost sound normal...............

Plus........... I rejoined Slimming World. Yup, it worked when I did it last year and I managed to keep off what I lost, but I couldn't go after a while as I had to step in to do Cub Scouts on a Wednesday evening as the other leaders left. There is no excuse now as other leaders are covering the nights until we get a permanent leader. It was one of those things that was getting too much for me and I have to say... NO. So I will be posting my weekly weight loss - just in case you are interested, I need to see the numbers go down so it will help me which is the main thing.

I also felt very pleased with myself as I managed to write and post my thank you cards to my family for my Christmas presents. Yup, very smug about that one!!

Had a bit of role-reversal with my 21 year old son this evening. He moved out last year and shares a flat with a friend of his as he is an independent working chap now, and I popped round for a cuppa to talk about the holiday to Athens in a couple of weeks. He is treating me and my youngest daughter, she is 19, to the trip - how amazing is that. Well I obviously did something right because as I left he handed me a pot of his homemade vegetable soup that he had made earlier, ohhhh it was delicious!!  Proud mum alert........ :)

Introductions first.....

Well hello to you whoever you are, if in fact you are anyone. Far be it for me to assume that anyone will actually read my blog although I am addressing it to you in the hope there is a you and I suppose I do have to admit I am egotistical enough to expect that someone somewhere would be interested in me and my life.  Writing however, is deeply therapeutic for me and I do think that due to the lack of attention I believe I should have had as a child, I am constantly looking for attention elsewhere. How do I get it is the thing. I have been single since 2003 and so haven't had much attention from anyone as an adult either!! Has this contributed to the symptoms of my Bi-Polar disorder slowly worsening? Possibly. I have tried to fill my life up too much so I get attention from people around me but then I get overwhelmed and stressed which defeats the object. 

I digress. Currently I am 47 yrs. old and it is the start of a new year - again. I am still single, still fat, and still poor, still live in a house which needs a lot of work doing to it, still don’t have many friends and still have Bi-Polar. I would like to change this. Maybe I have to recognise I can’t change it all at once and start planning small steps. Is it worth it at my age, should I just accept my lot. Firstly I suppose I have to work out what I want to change things to, ha ha ha. Most of the time I don't believe I have achieved anything really worthwhile and it upsets me. I thought I would have done something really great by now. I don't mean becoming rich and famous or anything like that. I mean doing something that I enjoyed but at the same time I had to work for. I have done small things I am proud of which I will list at some point I think to remind myself I have done more than I give myself credit for. There it is, the problem in a nutshell. I know what I should be doing, shouldn’t be doing, am capable of doing, am not capable of doing, what I want to be doing and what I can realistically expect myself to be doing. I just want more!!!

So, thanks to you dear reader, (I will assume you are there) and wouldn’t it be amazing if there was at least one of you, I will use the attention you are bestowing upon me to make me feel better about myself and see what I can achieve this year in my mission to find a little more peace within than I currently have. Thank you for reading.